Real Emotions

The subject of "having children" is all way hard for me when it comes up in conversation. Yes, I do want children more than anything. Unless you have PCOS or any fertility issues no one really knows how difficult it is when hearing a pregnancy announcement. I scroll on Facebook daily and see friends and people I graduated with who have just announced they are having a second or third child. It is very hard to read or even be happy for them, at first, because I'm their age and still have not had one child. There are days that I don't even want to go on Facebook because I know I will see another announcement and go through all of the emotions. There are also days where I will sit on you-tube and watch pregnancy announcement compilations. It breaks my heart when I hear that people, who should not have kids are having kids left and right.

I come from a Catholic family and married into one. I pride myself in being a spiritual person, but at times have questioned my religion and if there is a god, why has he not blessed me with a child. It is even hard when I hear people say "It's just not your time yet, be patient and God will guide you," I  know he will but it is hard at times to believe that when we have been trying to have children for about 8 years now. 

I get asked all the time by my niece and nephew when are we having kids or why don't we have kids, and it is hard to hear let alone hard to explain. It is also very hard to know that my husband really wants children and is wonderful with them, there are nights that I lay in bed thinking, why is he even with me, he should be with someone who can bless him with children. 

I didn't write this post for anyone to feel sorry for me at all. I know women all over go through similar feelings every day. I wanted to write this post to show that just because we "look healthy" on the outside but they have no clue what we are dealing with emotionally. PCOS is a hormonal disorder and is very real, we go through different emotions daily, and a lot of us to deal with anxiety and depression. 

The next post will be about misconceptions on PCOS and what people think we are going through.

I want to hear from you, let me know what you guys want me to write about in future blogs.

Remember you are all beautiful warriors 💗👄

Allie